Breakdown
by obliviously hopeful
Summary: There is nothing we feel more than our bodies. In our attempt to meet its needs we become hopelessly, mercilessly vulnerable. It forces us to know what would have never allowed ourselves to consider. Dasey.
1. Uninvited

**A/N: This is my first LWD fic. I'm proud of it actually. So please review. **

**I don't care if you say 'that was crap' just review. It helps me as a fanfic writer grow. I know this is asking for a lot but maybe even naming one thing you disliked or liked. shrugs shoulders**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Life with Derek if I did it wouldn't be on the Disney Channel… maybe the WB?**

Breakdown

Casey was yelling at Derek in his room. Her face was furious as she continued ranting about his latest stunt. He always caused so much damage. She would have refrained by now, but he seemed so amused which frustrated her more."...So this is how you get your kicks. Never mind how I feel..."

Derek thought to himself, if she only knew. She rolled her eyes in disgust. How could she not see his affection for her. Never had he cared about or lusted for another being before. God how long had he kept this inside of him? This feeling burning to be released. Way too long. In his head an image of Casey's pretty smile played. That smile was like a precious gift to the world.

"...Do you even respect me Derek?" she asked finally pausing.

Derek accidentally let the words fall out "I cherish you." Though it seemed Casey couldn't get angrier she did.

"You are such a smart ass!" she cried as she slapped him releasing all her anger. She realized what she had done and wanted to take it back. Derek was completely stunned.

"My God I'm sorry Derek." she said the look in her eyes had told Derek that already. She took a step closer to him placing her hand where she had left a red print on his face. She caressed his cheek and Derek closed his eyes trying to calm the need and want of his stepsister.

Casey removed her hand and he opened his eyes. Before thinking he found his lips meeting hers. Casey opened her mouth to protest but slowly Derek deepened the exploration sliding his tongue in. His hands gripping her waist.

She took a step back but he followed, never leaving her mouth. Casey could have done more but she didnt want to. She let herself go, kissing him back, enjoying the anxiety of her insides as they rallied in unexpected hunger.

There had been times she had to admit Derek was a attractive on the eyes, but the thought of kissing him never entered. He was her stepbrother after all. With that thought she pushed him off her. "Whatever cruel mind games your playing it is so very wrong _brother_."

"No its not like that Case." he assured her. She opened the door to leave Derek's room but he grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving. She shrieked bloody murder and he released her. She walked to her room and closed her bedroom door.

"Wow what was that scream?" Edwin asked from the hallway to Derek who was standing outside Casey's door.

Casey was lying face down on her pillow. _Could I have felt this way subconsciously but never have know_, she thought. _I cant possibly feel this way. But I never thought of him as a brother_ she argued with herself. _But your parents and the rest of your family do, she retorted. Great _she thought _I just lost a debate to myself. _

_Oh well, _she thought, _just let it go. Easier said than done. Like he feels that way about you. He must have had his fun with all the other pretty, mindless girls in town and was now targeting you._

Someone knocked on her door. "Go away!" she called out. "Its me." Edwin replied. She told him to come in. He did so. "I have a message from Derek." Casey groaned but he continued. Derek listened from the hallway.

Edwin gave the speech. "Derek says he is very sorry. He never meant for you to know what he thought about you. He just couldn't restrain himself any longer...Did he call you the b word?"

Nora called everyone down for dinner and suddenly Edwin didn't care he was running downstairs. Casey dragged herself up and took a step into the hallway as Derek stepped in front of her path. He asked debonairly "So do you forgive me? You do remember _your_ the one who slapped me, but your not sending _me_ midgets to apologize."

Casey refused to answer, they needed to get downstairs. She tried getting around him but being 'Klutzilla' she could not help brushing against his arm and side. Having felt her again, Derek grabbed her forearms and pushed her back against the wall roughly. She bit her lip trying to deny what she felt when he was so close. "Please don't Derek" she begged fear in her eyes that he would kiss her.

Seeing her scared still pinning her forearms to the wall he whispered in her ear softly "I would never hurt you Case." He looked back at her now passive face and let her go and followed her downstairs to the kitchen where everyone was waiting for them.

Casey tried to hear her stepfather's story about work, but her thoughts were too much--too loud. She remembered Derek's hands on her waist and she shivered impulsively. Her eyes found him. He met her gaze and gave her his cocky grin. She looked away feeling ashamed that she was allowing him to get to her so easily.

George finished his story and everyone laughed with the exception of Casey who had missed it. Nora took notice. "Casey dear are you alright?"

"Mmhmm" was the answer. Lizzie blurted out what Edwin had told her "Her and Derek had a fight."

Derek announced before he could be scolded "I did apologize."

Nora said to Casey "Honey he says he apologized. Now would it not be responsible to follow Derek's example?"

Casey felt wrongly accused "I will not." She began speaking quickly until it was almost unintelligible "Derek believes he is God's gift to this family and anything with a skirt. Everyone on this damn earth may fall for him--not me. But no that's not good enough for Derek. He wants it all. He wants me to join that worldwide conga line singing 'Whatever Derek wants, Derek gets'. Sure as long as it pleases him I should let him get the best of me. I'm just another object for him to satisfy himself with. To hell if women feel or bleed!"

Ashamed and exhausted she pushed her plate back, set her elbows on the table, and covered her hands over her forehead. "That was pretty awesome." Marti sang.

Casey stood up leaving the dining room. "Dear what has got you so stressed?" Nora asked concerned not sure what to make of her daughter's outburst.

"I'm fine mom" Casey called out nonchalantly climbing upstairs.

"I think Derek called her the s word." Edwin said.

"Whoa I didn't call her anything. May I be excused and check on her?" Derek asked doing a great job of hiding his emotions.

"Dont you think you caused enough damage?" George asked his son.

"I think Casey should see a psychiatrist." Nora told her husband.

"We'll discuss it after dinner." which meant no more talking of the matter.

She laid on her bed face down. Casey wiped her tears determined she could just as easily toss her feelings. She knew she had to accept Derek's apology. She would forget his mean jest.

I mean why should she dwell on what she couldn't have. Derek is a pompous womanizer. She had Sam. She didnt need Derek. And yet Derek had opened up such deep emotions that Sam hadn't. It doesn't matter she told herself.

There was a knock on her door. Casey really didnt want to talk to her mother, but knew she had to convince her that she was fine. She sat up, fixed her hair, and wiped away her tears. "Come in," Casey called out and smiled.

Derek entered closing the door behind him. He watched her cute smile drop. "Would you leave me alone?" she spit out irritated.

"They want you to see a shrink Case." he said trying to be reasonable.

"I already see Paul."

"Well it appears your unstable mental state _could_ get worse." he insulted.

"I blame you." she attacked. Her eyes were lit up and Derek wanted to his reflection in them. She stood walking to the door.

He said in an effort to make her stay or not kick him out, "You aren't acting very mature about this at all."

"Like you would know anything about maturity."

"We need to talk."

"No we dont because I forgive you. Now let's forget about this whole day ok." She twisted the doorknob, but Derek used his weight to shut it.

He banefully spoke "You always think your so right. That you know so much more than anyone else. Well you were wrong. Your entire tirade downstairs was so far form the truth."

He walked to the other side of the room running his hand through his hair. His voice lightened. "I dont care if after I say what I need to you are completely nauseated by me. I just cant have you thinking that I see you like any other girl I've been with. It was no sick joke that kiss. I have been trying to hide how I feel about you and I finally cracked. I love you Case."

She was in shock. She wanted his voice to repeat it again and again. Seeing Casey's smile, he grinned. "I didn't think that would be your reaction." he said.

"What about this?" she asked surrendering, kissing him fervently. He kissed her back just as urgent.

"Only when I deluded myself." he murmured in between taking breaths. Her lips welcomed his taste, her tongue gently gliding into and caressing the curious insides of his mouth—teasing, and calling him to her. Derek kissed her chin going down to her neck. His eyes dark filled with desire.

Derek felt so good as she savored the way his kisses made her feel. She saw the door as she arched her neck suppressing a moan. Casey had almost forgotten her family outside that door.

"Derek stop" she frantically said. He looked confused.

"We can't do this. You're my stepbrother." Her hand was on her forehead.

"Its not like that with us. Its okay" he replied.

"If its okay then why would our parents freak if they knew. If Emily or Sam knew. Did you forget I'm still with him?"

Like he could forget why he despised his best friend. "You care about him a lot." Derek said bitterly.

"I'd so much rather be with you. Ugh! I shouldn't say that. I shouldn't think that!"

She turned her back to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Dont think about them now. Forget the world. " he said. She turned to face him. "I cant."

"Try." he demanded kissing her lips tenderly. His tongue aggressively entered her mouth.

The door pounded outside.

"Let me in! Let me in!" Marti cried. Derek and Casey pulled apart. Casey opened the door.

"Smerek. What are you doing in here?" Marti talked loudly running to her brother. He lifted her in the air.

"I was waiting for Casey to apologize."

"Did she?" Marti asked.

"I think she covered most of it." There were a few dollar bills on her dresser. He snatched it up shoving it in his pocket saying, "This'll cover the rest."

"That's mine." Casey raged.

"Come and get it, sis" he provoked her. She crossed her arms thinking to herself she would, she would.

"Come look at what I did with the toothpaste." Marti interrupted.

"I'm right behind you Smarti."

Marti sped off to the bathroom before following his little sister, Derek grabbed the back of Casey's hair forcefully and kissed her lips. "I love you too Derek." she said breathlessly. He gave her one last smirk before walking into the hallway.

She smiled like a fool and sighed contently after closing her bedroom door. She heard her stepsister squeal from the bathroom. She heard the echos of Derek's laughter soon after. As Casey sat on her bed taking hold of her pillow, she saw her stepbrother in her mind grinning his eyes cryptic "Sis" he taunted. Her face fell into the pillow as she sobbed.


	2. Where Are You Going?

**A/N: This chapter is from Casey's point of view via third person. _Italics_ are used when her thoughts become first person POV. **

**Chapter 2**

The next morning Casey went downstairs for breakfast. She was doing fine. It had been hard to sleep last night. Her thoughts had been ridiculously restless. Finally she had made up her mind. She knew what she would have to do.

She didn't want to do it, but that's life doing what you don't want to do. It would be hard and painful, but it had to be done as soon as possible. Before things went deeper than they already were.

She wished she could do it now while she had the courage, but she wouldn't be able to really talk with Derek until after school. Casey sighed miserably. She could tell it was going to be a long day. _I'm doing the right thing,_ she kept telling herself.

When had doing what's right hurt so much? _See that's why I must end it with Derek_, she thought, _I never enjoyed doing wrong until now_.

Casey and Lizzie were alone downstairs. Casey looked at the choices of cereal and decided to go with a Nutri-Grain bar. She felt sick enough and something light on her stomach she felt was a wise decision.

_Because that's who I am_, she thought, _I base my decisions on what is smart and logical._

Lizzie asked her sister, "You look kind of tired. What did mom talk to you about in your room last night? Are you going to see a real psychiatrist?"

Casey answered, "Mom is just worried about my stress level. I told her she can talk with Paul to see how I am, but a psychiatrist is not necessary."

Casey tossed the wrapper in the trash and went to gather her binder and books from her room.

It would best for everyone if she did it. She couldn't live a lie. She couldn't keep secrets from her family. She couldn't be selfish. And what would she have done about Sam? Dump him for her stepbrother? Or string them both along? If she did what she had to, like a good little girl, it would be better for everyone. Everyone would still be happy, everyone…but her and Derek.

She came back down with her books and binder to see Edwin at the table with Lizzie.

"…She thinks she's all that and a bag of Doritos because she wears a 36 A." Casey caught the last of Lizzie's words to Edwin.

Casey poured herself some milk. She made a habit of drinking milk. After all she had the symptoms of what later causes osteoporosis.

"Really! How could I have missed those boobs?" Edwin exclaimed.

"What a beautiful subject to start the morning. Whose breasts are we referring to?" Derek asked entering the kitchen with his usual charm.

"An eleven year old girl's.", Casey smiled as she answered. She enjoyed watching a distasteful expression form on his face as she sat beside Lizzie.

"That's pathetic, Edwin." Derek said grabbing a box of cereal.

"Hey, it's all I have. The woes of being a boy at my age." Edwin sighed.

Casey watched Derek as he poured cereal into a bowl. All she asked for was to be with him. Was that asking for more than a lot? She shook at the thought. She stood putting her cup in the sink. Her eyes glanced at Derek. How could Lizzie and Edwin, hell, the whole world not see she was in love him? He caught Casey's eyes on him and asked what. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm going." Casey said and walked next door to Emily's to walk to school.

She could break things off with Derek. She could quietly ignore those unwanted emotions he compelled. She and Derek would behave as if her whole perspective on life had not changed. Nothing like what happened last night will happen ever again. She would just have to control herself.

Casey was good at having a calm composure, she believed. Derek had failed at that; he had no self-restraint. Casey was strong, while Derek was weak.

She rang Emily's doorbell. Yet when it came to his touch she was the weak one. She remembered his hand on her and how it was wonderful. How was she going to tell him that they were over? How was she never going to feel him beside her?

Emily opened the door. They smiled, greeted each other, and began walking to school. Emily began talking about a Jamie Winters. Casey's mind went back to Derek. _He was so hot. He was…Derek. He was irritating, rude, and so full of himself. You can't blame me for hating him. And at the same time he's everything I never knew I wanted._

_I want what happened last night to happen night after night. I don't want to stop whatever it is I have with Derek, _she thought_. Dear God, I want him. I cant do this. I'm going to tell him this cannot continue, right? I don't know what to do...It can't get much worse than this._

"Casey, did you hear me?" Emily interrupted.

"Oh I'm sorry my mind went soaring. What did you say?"

"Has Amber invited you to her party yet?"

"No and I don't care about her party." Casey said simply.

"I know you don't really care for her, but everyone is going to be there. And I'd love to have my best friend with me." Emily whined.

"It won't be my fault if she doesn't invite me. It's tonight and if she hasn't asked me yet, I doubt she will." Casey opened the school door for Emily and her.

"Hold the phone. Never mind. You don't need to go to her stupid party. You should stay home and study." Emily said quickly.

"You're mocking me?"

"No! No! Just please whatever you do don't plan anything for tonight." she begged.

"Why? Emily what's going on?"

"You'll find out soon enough. You're making this sooooo hard for me not to tell you." Emily replied opening her locker. The bell rang and they had to hurry to their first period.

**A/N: The plot will start rolling pretty fast after this chapter. Please review.**


	3. Don't You Forget About Me

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. College is very demanding socially and time wise. This story keeps playing over in my head. The problem is having the time to get it all on paper, then computer, then **

**You guys are lucky I love ya so show me some love with some reviews.**

**For future references I have no idea how their h.s. does classes. So I'm doing it like how mine was. We had seven classes/hours/periods. Lunch was in between the third and forth. We had five minutes in between classes.**

Chapter 3

As she headed to her first class she decided it would be best to see Sam. Sam and Derek's locker was right outside her chemistry class. She saw Derek digging around in his locker, headphones in his ears. Did he know what he did simply coming into her view?

With no sign of Sam, Casey told herself to keep walking to class but her eyes never wavered from Derek. She now stood beside him. He glanced to see who it was and was genuinely surprised at who he saw.

"Hey Casey," he said smiling with a smug and pulled his headphones down.

"Have you seen Sam?" she asked casually yet this was anything but. Casey had never approached Derek before unless it had been absolutely necessary.

He scoffed. "Yeah right. Don't deny it. You came over here for me."

_This is good. It's hard to find him attractive when he is flattering his ego_, she thought But underneath that persona his eyes were so apparent. Her breath stilled as she saw his love for her in them. His eyes had been revealing that for so long. How could she have been so blind?

She took a deep breathe trying to focus. She had to execute step one: keep her relationship with Sam running smoothly.

"Derek your narcissism isn't becoming." she snapped.

He leaned close to her (maybe a little too close considering she didn't want to trigger her desire for him) and chuckled "You and I both know it is."

She took a step back and asked impatiently "Have you seen Sam or not?"

He had to think about this before asking "You seriously want to see him?"

Casey's face became determined. "Yeah"

"You're gonna break up with him?" Derek asked softly though his eyes filled with delight.

_Close, _her thoughts answered painfully. She took a sharp breath and whispered "No."

Derek looked lost then mad as he spoke, "What do you mean 'no'? You can't…"

He was interrupted as Sam approached them.

"Are you bothering Casey again?" Sam asked Derek.

Sam turned to his girlfriend. "He bothering you?"

She shook her head and felt her lips cut as she pulled them into a fake smile for the guy she did not love. He obliviously smiled back at her.

"Were you busy last night?" Sam asked.

Casey's eyes grew wide in alarm.

"Cause you said you were going to call me."

"I'm sorry. I went a little crazy last night."

_She had seemed fine this morning and more than content last night. So where is all this coming from? And why the fuck will she not dump Sam, _Derek questioned

Derek turned to his locker so his disappointment and hurt could not be seen.

"Yeah doing what?" Sam smiled.

"It wont happen again." she promised.

He pushed back her last comment, _she probably didn't mean it that way. She didn't regret anything that happened between us. If she had she would have told me. She just thinks she has to continue being Sam's girl. I'll set her straight._

"I gotta go." Casey reached up and pulled Sam into a kiss.

Derek stared at the couple helplessly. His hand involuntary formed into a fist. He had seen Casey and Sam kiss many times and it was heartrending. This time though Casey knew he had it bad for her. This time Casey had said the night before that she loved him too.


	4. The Space Between

**A/N: Aren't you proud how quickly I updated. **

**I don't care how desperate I sound. I have repeated this so many times in hopes it is implanted in your skull: Review **

Chapter 4

The teacher played a movie about relativity and how it did not relate to the quantum theory. They were supposed to be taking notes, but Casey couldn't concentrate. She tried, but couldn't get into the film. _I can't forget the way he looked. How can I do this to him? And this was only the beginning. If this was so hard how on earth am I going to tell him?_

Emily whispered some comment about the secret. Casey was too preoccupied to care, but decided it would be best to entertain her best friend. She asked Emily if the surprise was something good. Hell on a day like today it didn't hurt to be sure.

Emily had to laugh. "Of course I wouldn't be excited if it was a bad thing. You're such a goober. No more questions. I do not want to ruin this for you."

Casey nodded. "Okay new subject…Do you remember when I first got with Sam?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"It's just strange…I thought I knew, but I didn't. I would never have believed that there is something more, something much greater."

Emily blinked. "You lost me."

Casey shook her head. "My thoughts have been insane lately. Don't mind me."

"Well you can't act crazy today. So get it together."

"I know. I know. I'm trying to." Casey said with double meaning.

Casey then smiled. "You know I had this ideal guy all planned out. I think when I met Sam I knew he wasn't that guy, but he was better than the rest. Then I found my perfect guy and he wasn't the guy I dreamed of when I was little."

"Aw so Sam is your perfect guy?"

Casey sighed and didn't answer.

When class ended Casey went to her locker. Before walking downstairs she heard her name being called behind her. She turned to see Derek walking to her.

The voice of reason in her head told her to continue down the stairs, but it was too late one glimpse of Derek and she forgot everything…for at least a couple seconds.

She stepped to the side so they weren't in people's way.

Derek asked looking fully into her eyes "Case what are you doing? You don't have to play Sam's girlfriend. Don't worry about him or anyone getting suspicious."

"I'm not going to break up with Sam." she said curtly.

Derek could feel his veins throb. He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not going to share you with him. I refuse! I don't want him touching you. You don't belong with him. You belong to me."

He reached for her cheek. She trembled violently and he flinched at the thought that his touch caused her to react like that.

"Tell me what's going on in your head Case?" He couldn't hide his desperation.

"Not now Derek. I can't. I got to go." she said passing him.

"No Casey." He reached his hand out to her, but didn't grab her. He didn't want to feel her tremble because of him again. Feeling the torment suffocate him he took a deep breath.

She wiped the tears from her eyes as she hurried down the steps. Casey stopped at the water fountain to swallow two Tylenols. Her head was starting to pound mercilessly.


	5. Three Libras

**A/N: I didn't expect this story to turn out long. I know I prefer fics less than seven chapters. oh well hope you guys are ok with it being long. **

Derek and his friend Brad carried their lunch trays to their usual spot in the cafeteria. He didn't know where Sam was, but he could guess who he was with. Yeah there was the damn happy couple sitting, talking, and eating.

"Oh Derek…" a feminist voice called out. Derek turned to see a blonde, skinny chick wave at him. She was sitting with her friends.

Derek nodded at Brad and the two sat with them. He remembered the girl's name was Lauren. She began talking about a party happening that night, and usually he'd play along. Girls like her were so easy it was pathetic, but he didn't care today.

The girls around him were pretty hot, but Casey was all he could see. It was natural for him to watch her. He had done so many times because it was all he could do when he silently concealed that he loved her. He hadn't wanted anyone to know, but now she did. He didn't think when she did find out she'd feel the same way. He had been fine with that, thinking that there was nothing he could or should do. His world changed when she said she cared about him too.

He remembered last night. _I wanna go back there._ _I want that. _Now that he had her in his arms and tasted her lips, he couldn't let her go. Like the forbidden fruit once you take a bite you have to have the whole fruit.

_Maybe I imagined the whole night? That would make sense that's why she is insistent about Sam. That's why she quivered. That's why she seems so distant. No it was real. I couldn't have imagined the details at dinner or everything else. It was true. So why was Casey playing like it wasn't? _

_No it was; she wanted us. I know that. She still wants us to be. She just…what?_ His jaw clenched in anger. _I mean what about us? If she's with Sam where does this leave us?_ _She didn't give a shit about asking me anything._

Casey smiled at something Sam said. _Was that a genuine smile? No I don't think so. I hope not. GroanWhy is she doing this? _He knew she would explain soon enough, probably when they got home. But would he want to hear it?

Sam laughed a little too loudly. Derek used to play a game. He would try to figure out what they were talking about. _Sam's such a queer_, Derek sneered.

_Does Sam even know how special Casey is? Does he know how she sits when watching t.v. That the song "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls makes her sad? It's so funny when she gets furious. She glows when she succeeds and you can't help but feel you accomplished something yourself. How would Sam know? _

Casey was nodding her head. _Have I come to her mind in the last twenty minutes?_ _Just one thought since I've been doing nothing but dwell on her._ Sam and Casey leaned across the table and kissed. _They were fucking disgusting._ His fist hit the table. The girls and Brad stared at him like he was a freak. Derek didn't give a rat's ass. He pushed aside his food.

He didn't realize he had eaten half of it. He hadn't realized anything except what Casey and unfortunately Sam was doing._No one should feel like this._ Though he found a few people would make the world a better place if they were shot, he wouldn't wish this on anyone.

As Sam walked her to her locker he said "You don't have to take anything to fifth period. After taking roll we'll be released for the assembly."

Casey's eyes squinted. "What assembly?"

"You didn't hear."

_I haven't been able to pay attention in class_, Casey thought.

"Say no to alcohol and all that jazz. Meet me outside Ms. Marsh's class. We'll go together, okay?"

"Sure," Casey answered she opened her locker pulled out a jacket.

Sam leaned against the lockers looking at her. "You wanna come over for dinner tonight? If you weren't planning to go to Amber's shindig."

Casey thought for a moment.

"It'll be at my house."

"I don't know. I wasn't planning on going to Amber's but…" She thought of trying to study with only a few walls keeping her from Derek. It would be better if she was away from the house, away from him.

"You know what yeah. Dinner at your place sounds great."

"Okay I'll see you in five minutes." he said with a smile and left.

Casey rubbed her temple. Her headache had simmered down in second period and then disappeared, but she could feel it returning. Maybe she wouldn't go to Sam's.

How could she not have heard about the assembly? The sooner she got home, the sooner she'd tell Derek there is nothing between them, the sooner she could get her head back on track. _That sounds awful "breaking up with my step-brother"._ _Which is why it should be done_, Casey reasoned.

Emily brought her back to reality, "Casey I saw you with Sam during lunch. So did he ask you?"

"He asked me to meet him for the assembly."

"That's it. So he hasn't asked anything else?"

"I'm going to his house tonight for dinner."

Emily squealed. "You're going to love what he has planned. I'm so happy for you Casey."

"He told you."

"He wanted to make sure it would be a good idea. And what you told me today confirms that it is."

Casey asked trying to clarify, "You wanted me to keep my schedule for tonight empty so I could go to Sam's."

"Yeah. You're not excited. Why am I the only excited?"

Casey answered "I just have a small headache."

"Well you have to feel better for tonight."

**P.S: I created Brad. Please Review. Heck flames are welcome too. Because Derek hangs around more guys than Sam in my twisted world.**


	6. Helena

**A/N: So Im really ticked off because I had this whole chapter all typed out and finished, ready to save and accidentally closed out before saving so I had to write this from memory which isn't very good compared to what I had. Scream. A little word of advice to fellow writers: Don't have 'accidents' or 'mistakes'.**

**To those who review I love you guys!**

Casey and Emily both began following the mob of high school students to the auditorium. Casey would pass Sam outside Mrs. Marsh's class on the way there. _Why did he have to plan something tonight of all nights? Why did she have to have a headache, it was hard to focus already?_

Emily was explaining that she was going to Amber's with Jessica. Somebody stepped on her heels. She turned to see another mob behind her. This assembly wasn't such a bad idea. She wouldn't have to worry about being distracted in the rest of her classes. And she could rehearse how she would say bye to Derek. _Derek...how can I do this?_

Never again would she be able to express that she loves him. She would never again experience him doing the same. _All I will have is the memory. I remember his tender voice, his fervent fingers, his erotic lips, and his eyes of adoration._

_I've played that moment again and again in my mind never wanting to forget because I need it to carry on._ Unfortunately this like all memories will fade. _Then I will be left with nothing,_ her thoughts said in quiet solemn.

_Calm down. Just don't lose sight of why this has to be. Stay Strong,_ she motivated herself. _But Im not that strong,_ she whined. _I could never do that to him. I couldn't do that to myself. _Casey placed her hand on her stomach feeling languid. Emily was still speaking, but she couldn't hear what.

She felt like she was going to drop and the horde from behind would trample her. Casey saw a door, a means to escape, and jumped at the chance. She quickly opened the door, walked in, and closed it. Relief overwhelmed her as her hands fumbled for the light switch.

As light swallowed the darkness, Casey saw that she was in the art supply closet. It was cold and the air tasted of crayons. The door handle turned and the door opened. Her eyes panicked hoping a teacher hadn't caught her. She wished in the next moment that it had been, as Derek entered.

**P.S. So you think I'm gonna go cliché on you. Well you're wrong. **

"What would you be doing in here Casey?" he asked almost in his trademark leer.

She could feel her self-restraint melting so she answered bluntly walking to the door he stood in front of, "Leaving."

"You and Sam decide to skip the festivities and make-out in here?" he asked hiding his anguish at the thought.

"No Derek that's something you would do. Not Sam." she replied sharply.

"Yeah I remember this specific closet," he said looking around it. "Good times, Good times."

Casey scoffed and reached for the door handle. "We need to go to the assembly."

Derek leaned back against the door. She wondered if he could see how much she had missed him.

"All day you've been so cold to me," he said trying to get through to her.

She didn't want to argue with him. "I told you not now."

"When are you going to quit running and just talk to me?" he almost begged.

"We're going to get in trouble." she verbally pushed.

"I'm tired of waiting Case. If you don't explain it to me now the next time I see Sam all over you I'm gonna pound the mother-fuc-er." he said trying to constrain his anger.

Casey was a little shocked and hesitated. "I just didn't want to discuss this at school. I was waiting for the right time tonight."

"I love you Case. And I thought you said you loved me too. So why are you with him?"

he asked exasperated.

"Because Derek I can't--" He saw where this was going and he interrupted not wanting to hear it.

"I know what you're thinking," he said softly, barely breathing.

"I can't pretend that I'm your stepsister and then turn around and...I can't do that to our family. I would never be able to look in my mom's eyes. I won't sacrifice that much."

"I don't want to hear your reasons. Don't give me that 'our family' shit." His hands covered his face.

"Sometimes I lose myself with you and can forget the world, but not for long because we live in it. How can being with you be okay with all the conflict I'm going through?"

Casey placed her hand on his shoulder. He dropped his hands and she saw his unmistakable misery.

He walked to the other side of the closet and she turned to look at him.

"I think you understand that this is the way it has to be." she spoke calmly.

"Don't do this. You're making a mistake. You're ruining everything!"

Two tears slid down Casey's cheek. It was unbearable for her to watch his affliction.

"I thought we discussed and resolved this. I guess I expected a little too much from you. I was so damn gullible!" he released his outrage.

He put his hand around the back of her head cradling it. His voice broke. "Why did you do that Casey? Why did you let me leave your room last night thinking we could be together only to change your fucking mind the next day?"

She sobbed. He watched her apathetically drinking up her tears and sob. _It was her turn to feel salt in her wounds,_ he thought.

"I'm sorry Derek." she said almost unintelligibly.

She took a deep breathe to speak distinctly. "I wasn't thinking clearly and then I spent all night thinking how inappropriate it would be."

He wasn't tugging, but he had a hold on her hair. "Yes you wouldn't be Casey if you weren't a rigid self-righteous bitch."

He spoke harshly and Casey felt the sting as more tears filled her eyes. She pushed him off her. He didn't fight her.

"It's better than being a selfish, egotistic, philanderer!" she yelled vehemently.

"It's kind of hard to meet your high standards, when we are all so far from you." he cruelly spit out.

"When making a choice, do you at least consider anyone else's feelings or is yours all that matters?"

"After everything that's what you think. You don't know me at all." he said bitterly.

Her headache now felt more like a gash to the head. "That's the way your acting, Derek." she sobbed.

"Because I don't want to let you go. Then yeah I'm guilty as charged. Whatever it takes to be with you." he said piercingly.

She folded her arms and looked towards the floor. He reached over and brushed away her tears. She didn't give any indication that she felt it. He moved closer to her. His lips were barely touching hers. There was nothing Casey wanted more. His amorous eyes begged her to surrender.

"Please no Derek," she stammered. She watched as his eyes darkened.

He released her and callously muttered, "Fine go on. To hell with our life."

He walked past her and out the door, shutting it behind him. Casey dropped to the floor and continued to weep. After five minutes surprisingly, she had no tears left and wiped her face with her jacket sleeve. She didn't feel like getting up and just wanted to lie down. She lay on her side. The floor was very hard. The pain in her head consumed her. The bottle of aspirin was in her locker. Casey told herself she didn't need it, not wanting to move, but the migraine demanded that she did need it.

She picked herself up and turned to the door to see Derek.

"I didn't want to leave you alone." he quietly explained stoically. His right fist was red and she thought she saw some blood. He must have took out his anger on something out in the halls before returning.

She almost began crying again, but was able to suppress it. Casey still needed the Tylenol so she walked to the door. He moved so she could pass him.

Derek spoke gravely "You think us 'inappropriate', but you're wrong Case."

She looked into his gentle eyes and he continued in his almost baleful tone, "You can linger in your sorrow and like to think that Sam will erase your love for me. It won't happen because the truth is your mine."


	7. Broken

**A/N: I wasn't really satified with the last chapter. But thanks reviewers I needed the confidence.**

His words chilled her because maybe he was right. If he was, it wouldn't matter though. He was still her stepbrother; end of discussion. Her eyes fell on his right hand. She wanted to take away his hurt. Derek noticed where she had her vision set and hid his knuckles.

"I won't stay away. I'll keep coming back." his voice was low.

"Then you'll be asking for pain because each time you come I won't go with you." Casey couldn't control herself and released a tearless sob. He slowly pulled her into an embrace. She held tightly him tightly as she broke down once more. She quieted and he could hear her breathing. He foolishly wished she wouldn't let go, but she did.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked ending the hug.

"Me? Im not crying," Derek tried to joke. Then more seriously added "I'll bounce back fast."

Casey almost laughed. "Hopefully not too fast."

"That was cruel of me denying you your last request," she said remorsefully. She leaned her face to his. He stopped her kiss.

"No you were right...I don't want to kiss you goodbye."

They heard movement in the halls. The assembly was over and school was out for the weekend.

"You want a ride home?" he asked.

Casey had only ridden with Derek a handful of times in his car. She avoided it at all cost. He expertly drove like his vehicle was a racecar, turning sharply, hitting the brakes almost too late, and speeding when he could. His driving nearly made her into a nervous wreck. She let him know it and he enjoyed every minute.

"Oh no. I dont care how awful I feel. I'd rather walk Derek, than get in that car with you behind the wheel."

He smiled. "Oh come on seeing you freak out would cheer me up."

"Oh I see. Well in that case that's a definite no." His smile slid down.

Casey bit the inside of her lip. With her hand on the door handle, she took one last look at Derek. Then feeling like she was leaving something behind, she looked around the closet floor, then back at Derek, and left.

The door shutting echoed the silence of the art closet. _Don't do this_, his mind repeated to Casey too late. _Why had he let her leave?_ He closed his eyes hearing the words they had spoken fade.

The wise thing to do would be letting it end. He had to. It was his only option. But he had tried that before. Since the day he realized he loved her, he tried to cleanse himself of the feeling, but he had failed.

He knew days away this agony wouldn't let him rest. He laid his head against the door. How could he live with her choice? He cursed himself as he wiped his tearfilled eyes.

He opened the door and walked back into the world. His life had crashed around him, and the world had no idea.

"Hey Derek. I'll see you at Amber's." a girl called out.

He gave her a sexy smile. That left her craving for him.

He walked out to his car unlocking it Sam hurried to him.

"Have you seen Casey?" Sam asked.

"Why would I want to?" Derek asked annoyed.

"I didn't see her at the assembly. Could you tell her I'll pick her up at 7?"

Impulsively Derek punched him, just one forceful good one. When Derek would dream of beating up Sam, he'd leave him bloody and unable to walk. Somehow that one punch satisfied all his anger.

Bewildered Sam touched his right jaw. His lip was bleeding. the hit was more than he could bear. "What the hell is your problem, man?"

Derek patted Sam's shoulder blade then answered opening his door and getting in,

"I hate your pansy ass."

He started the car and backed out. Sam wiped the blood still confused and hurt.

**P.S. I know Derek having a car isn't true to the show, but he looks 16 he should have a car. Flame all you want about Derek hitting Sam, but when writing the last chapter. I wanted to mess Sam up so there it is.**


	8. MachineHead

Derek spent the rest of the day in front of the television. He flipped through the channels nothing was on. That was fine though because he really wasn't watching. He looked at the clock in the kitchen. 6:14. Two more hours until he would leave for the party.

He was curious about what Casey was doing, but he could guess: doing her homework. He went upstairs, wanting to secretly peer into her room, but she had it closed. That had never stopped him from peeking before, but Edwin had his door open and might catch him.

He turned on his radio and began gathering his clothes to do laundry when George called everyone down for dinner. Derek tossed his clothes. As he entered the hall, he watched as Casey emerged from her room all dressed up.

She was stunning. Her hair had been half way up today, but now their were a few curls in the back. She wore a pink silky top which wasn't skanky but still sexy. Casey flaunted her legs under a pink and black skirt. Derek stopped and watched her descend the stairs. She wasn't making this easy. Only she could stir these desires in him. Out of all the females in the world, why did it have to be her? If only he could…but he couldn't.

"Casey you look so pretty." Nora said impressed as Casey sat at the dinner table.

"Thanks mom," she smiled.

Derek took his seat. "I like your shirt." Marti yelled.

"Is this dinner a special occasion?" George asked.

"Yeah she has a date with Sam at his house." Lizzie answered.

Derek clenched his teeth. She was going to Sam's, he remembered. She looked beautiful and she was going to Sam's.

"So you're not going to eat?" Edwin asked noticing she hadn't served herself.

"No I'm eating with him. I'm gonna sit with you all until he arrives. " Casey said happily. Only Derek was able to see through her façade.

"Well it is so nice of you to grace us with your presence." he said sarcastically.

Casey sent him a bullet with her eyes.

"When will he be here?" Nora asked.

Casey hesitated feeling like an idiot. "I-I don't remember actually."

Derek laughed obnoxiously. It was even more funny because he knew what time, but he wasn't going to tell her.

Casey again glared hatefully towards him.

"Derek your knuckles," Edwin pointed out. Derek was surprised it had been noticed. They were only a shade of pink and a cut on the middle one.

"What happened?" Nora asked concerned.

"Its nothing," he shrugged.

"Did you get mad or something?" Edwin asked.

"I was just messing around with Sam," Derek semi-lied, not mentioning the locker he assaulted.

Casey took a sip of her ice tea hiding her guilt, unaware Derek had been somewhat honest.

"Are you going anywhere tonight?" George asked Derek.

"It's a Friday night. Always." he answered pompously.

"You better behave yourself." George warned.

"I'll make my best attempt." Derek replied.

"Which is slim to none," Casey retorted.

"So Case which lucky girl should entertain me tonight. I can't make up my mind between Lauren, Julia, or Robin. What do you think?"

"Ew…Where is Sam?" she whined.

"If you two don't straighten up no one will be leaving tonight." Nora handed out an ultimatum.

The door bell rang. Casey squealed. "I'll get it."

_She was so full of shit, Derek thought. Whatever gets her through the night. _Derek got up from his seat and leaned against a kitchen counter to watch.

She opened the door. "You rescued me just in time."

Derek bit the inside of his mouth.

Casey asked startled. " What happened to your lip?"

Yeah Derek had left a cut.

"Oh just an accident. You look amazing. You ready?" Sam asked.

Derek laughed. Sam must have been too ashamed to admit it. LAME. And yet Derek was glad Sam kept his trap shut. He didn't want to hear Casey gripe at him and defend Sam. She left with him. Derek thought about running after her, stopping her, but instead he respected what Casey wanted and sat back at the table.

**Warning: I'm sorry for the torment I am about to put you through. I'm sitting here gagging thinking/typing about it. Just don't tar and feather me. **

After dinner Sam and Casey went to the den to sit.

"Are we going to watch a movie?" Casey asked.

"First wait here I got something for you." Sam told her. He left the room and came back with a small box.

He handed her the box. "Happy three month anniversary."

"Sam that's so sweet. I feel horrible. I had forgotten to tell you the truth." Casey said.

"It's all right. I didn't expect you to remember. I just wanted to do something special for you."

She opened the box to see a silver star necklace. "Wow," she thanked him.

"Here," he said taking it and putting it around her neck.

She smiled. He moved his lips to hers and she kissed him.

**P.S. You can look now. Its all over.**

Derek and Lauren decided to leave Amber's. It was a great party, but the liquor had ran low, there was no room to dance, and all the bedrooms were over filled with couples.

"So where are you taking me?" she giggled.

"I just feel like cruising. I'll let you know when we get there," he said with his charm. She smiled seductively.

He decided they would go to the corner store buy a few bottles then go back to Amber's have a few dances then take Brad and his girl home. He had had two beers. He never let himself get too tipsy.

He looked over at Lauren. The sight of her cleavage was nice, but Casey had had more sex appeal. When would she quit being his weakness? Why couldn't he switch on and off his emotions? _Casey had_, Derek thought bitterly.

Mankind should be born with a sense not to fall in love with their stepsisters. Why didn't God think about that? Was he too busy deciding how many legs a centipede should have?

He was tired of wasting his time with girls like Lauren when there was Casey. He was weary of seeing her with Sam. Derek was worn out of controlling and hiding his heart. He didn't want to pretend anymore.

He was drained of longing for his illusions to become real. Derek was tired of failing to block her out from his head. It was enough to drive the strongest man insane. He couldn't take it anymore.

He knew Casey's decision, but he also made up his mind. He wasn't going to let her do this. He wouldn't accept an ending between them. So what if it was selfish? He had tried to be selfless.

Derek had tried to do the right thing and it wasn't working for him. He couldn't tame his heart. He had his own little 'conflict' that he was tired of fighting. He had already been there, done that, and it got him nowhere.

His need for Casey wouldn't die, too much love to bury. He was going to tell Casey she had to come home: family emergency. Then once he had her alone he'd make her see they could play role after role and never escape.

_"…each time you come I won't go with you."_

He still couldn't get the words she had said out of his mind. They stabbed him like it was the first time hearing it. He'd ignore her refusals. Her excuses would not be accepted. He wouldn't let her leave until she finally saw that they both deserved to be happy, to be together.

**A/N: You guys have been awesome so I hate to do this to you. **

**Things are gonna happen and your not going to want to finish this story. **

**I won't ruin the ending for everyone so if you really have to know if this is gonna end happily feel free to ask and I'll spoil it for you.**

**I won't think any less of you if you back out now. And I don't mind if you flame just don't threaten or take it out on me personally ok? **


	9. My Oxygen's Gone

He sharply parked outside Sam's dark house. Not even the outside light had been turned on. The house seemed empty except for Sam's car in the driveway.

"Where are we?" Lauren asked not recognizing the home and took a sip of her beer can.

"I'll be back," Derek said exiting the car.

So it wasn't the best idea to bring her along, but his priority was getting Casey. Once Casey was in the passenger seat, he'd drop Lauren off at the party and they'd be able to talk.

Walking to the front door, he caught a glimpse of Casey through the window. He curiously looked closer, in between the curtains through the open blinds. He froze at what he saw. It was hard to see at first, but his eyes adjusted. He leaned his heavy body against the house watching her make-out with a shirtless Sam.

His first thought was to tear the door down. He'd beat the shit out of the bastard like he should have done out at the school parking lot. He'd grab Casey, take her home, and accomplish what he had set out to do. If only he could move…

Derek may not have been able to get past her, but she sure as hell could. Her eyes were wild. Her hands moved all over Sam's chest. He couldn't see through her this time. She was distant, more so than ever before.

A sparkling necklace she wore caught Derek's eye. He didn't remember her having it before and he paid attention to every detail of her. It shimmered and mocked him. Sam's hands were moving inside her shirt. Casey broke the kiss and took it off. His blood screamed.

She was beauty defined, like he had imagined. He had dreamt of her articles of clothing falling to the floor so many times, but not for Sam.

Did she like that, Sam licking the space between her breasts, like that? He'd like to think she didn't, but he'd be selling himself another lie. He never thought it possible, but he prayed Casey's bra wouldn't be removed for Sam's pleasure.

They were moving so quickly. Sam was murmuring something as he tongued her neck again. Casey pulled his face to hers. She stared intently in Sam's eyes and said something back. He smiled and moved down sucking her waist. Derek thought he saw a look of wretchedness in Casey's face, but it was gone too quickly to be sure.

What he would have done to have her to himself. If he could trade his life with pathetic Sam, he would.

Sam pulled down her skirt, as Casey undid his pants. Derek couldn't bear to look anymore. He had his share of self-punishment. He turned away from the window upholding his weight against the house.

The shock settled. _They were going to have sex. _Anguish crowded him as a rasping sound escaped his throat. His vision blurred behind tears. His mouth twitched in constrained anger.

If he stopped them tonight, it would only happen another. It was what Casey wanted. She wanted to fuck him. She wanted to feel Sam inside her. Sam was going to have her in ways Derek never would. He would never be with her.

He wouldn't be haunted by kisses and caresses him and Casey would never share. No what would wake Derek in the night would be the sight of her and Sam going to bed.

_Goddamn her! _"Have it your way!" he viciously growled. He really didn't give a shit anymore.

As he staggered back to his car, bile rose and filled his mouth and fell to the grass. When he climbed back in the car, Lauren had been holding a mirror, fixing her hair just right.

She asked in her cute tone, "Did you even go in?"

Derek didn't hear her. He started the car and sped off. His thoughts were reeling. He shouldn't have asked for what he couldn't have. Why had he done that to himself? Why had he filled himself up with that fucking hope?

He had held on way too long to some silly dream that ended tonight. He finally woke up. _She quit and so now I'm gonna quit._ _I'm fed up with chasing her shadow. _He no longer would fall on his knees.

Sam led Casey down to the floor. He kissed her flesh around her panties. Casey heard faintly what seemed like from an animal, "_Have it your way!"_

_Impossible_. "Derek?" she questioned in disbelief.

Sam's head shot up. "Derek?" he questioned in surprise.

"I-I thought I heard him. Did you?" she stammered.

Sam took hold of his pants and stood. "That's a lousy lie if I ever heard one."

Casey jumped up with him speaking in disgust, "You don't think that I--. That's sick. He's my stepbrother. You know I can't stand him."

"All I know is what just happened." He maintained pulling on his pants.

She threw on her shirt arguing with discern, "I can't believe you don't believe me. Are you blind to think that I--"

"That's not it Casey. I just--. " He sighed, rubbing his nose.

They both had their clothes on now.

"Come on. I'll take you home." he mumbled.

She felt shame on her cheeks. "Don't bother." she walked to the door.

"Don't be crazy. You can't walk home at this time of night." he said trying to stop her.

She didn't want to be with him another minute. "I don't need a ride from my boyfriend who doesn't trust me, who thinks that I was thinking of Derek. Derek? That makes no sense what so ever."

"I know, but you said--" Sam was interrupted.

"And I told you I thought I heard him." Casey raised her voice.

"Where would he be? In here? In the kitchen? No one is in the house, but us." his hands were pointing dramatically.

"I'm sorry my ears heard him." she spoke firmly.

"That's crazy," he shook his head.

"Stop saying that word! And don't call me unless your apologizing because I deserve one." she proclaimed walking to the door.

"Casey, let me take you home." he called out.

She ignored him and slammed the door. As the dark, cold night setting enclosed her, she walked home holding on to the pride she still possessed.


	10. Losing My Religion

**A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I know the ending I've just been so busy I can't get it written down.**

Derek pulled over on the side of the street. He killed the car and slammed his hands against the steering wheel. He ran his hands through his hair and leaned back in the seat. His left elbow rested on the door, his hand supporting the side of his head. His eyes fumed staring straight ahead.

Lauren didn't like it when guys got uncontrollably angry. That's one of the reasons why she and her long-time boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago.

She asked nervously, "What happened?"

Derek took the beer can from her and drank the last bit. He smashed then tossed the empty can in the back.

"Nothing much. It apparently doesn't matter." he chuckled cynically.

But to Lauren it was a real laugh and she felt more at ease.

He ran his hand through her blonde hair. His voice withdrawn, "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to feel anything just…"

She reached her hand to the back of his head. They were so close now. He almost began to contrast her with Casey like all the other girls.

If Casey had been in the car she would have had a heart attack at how he had driven. She would have bitched, "There are other people on the road besides you…Don't take it out on the car…".

But Casey wasn't with him. She was screwing Sam. Derek slowly pressed his lips onto Lauren's and she returned the favor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Casey stormed off, the little pride she thought existed evaporated. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked on the sidewalk. She couldn't help but feel trashy, the way Sam wanted to be rid of her so quickly. No, he was just hurt that he thought she had said some other guy's name. Sam would soon apologize once he had time to think about it.

Casey groaned in frustration. _Derek. It was all his fault. Even when he wasn't there he still messed up everything._

How the idea formed that she had heard him? She didn't know. It was really weird. Had she made it all up in her head?

_Perhaps it had been a blessing in disguise_. Maybe she wasn't supposed to sleep with Sam, not yet anyway. _Maybe I thought I heard something because I doubted if I'm ready. _Sam was a great guy and she had been with him for a while. _So why not? _She hadn't been exactly saving herself until marriage, just someone special. _And Sam was that guy_.

But why had she heard Derek, out of all the people in the world? _Maybe I feel guilty because he's the one I want to make love to._

_No! That's not it at all. Your so far from base. Don't think like that, okay? Almost incest. Why can't you remember that?_

She most definitely knew the way home, but she still felt lost somehow. As Casey past a park, she sat on the swing. Her feet were aching. She sat and slightly pushed herself back and forth.

She realized it had been a _really_ long day. It just wouldn't end. So much had happened. One of the worst days of her life. _Well at least its basically over now. _

She was exhausted as the day's events fell on her. She knew she had to proceed home, but was convinced a little rest wouldn't hurt.

She wanted to take a long, steaming hot shower. She wanted to wash away her and Derek's goodbye and Sam's saliva from her skin. She had to tarnish these desires for Derek. He had captured her heart and soul. _No he hadn't. If he had, I wouldn't have almost given myself to Sam._

And yet her overwhelming feelings remained unwavering.She could continually give her body again and again to Sam, but Derek would have what really counted.

_No its not real. Just drop it already. Quit wasting time doing this to yourself. In a few more days these revolting sentiments will fade. So just stop it. _

'_Revolting' they might be, but nothing had ever been more glorious than last night…Wow it had been only last night. It sadly seemed like it had been an eternity. _

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Derek found his pants and put it on.

"Where'd you toss my shirt?" Lauren asked with glee, hooking her bra.

"Up in the front somewhere." he dryly answered, climbing to the front seat.

He handed it to her. She smiled taking it.

"We lost track of time." he grinned.

"You don't get me home in about ten minutes and you won't be seeing me out for a while." she

warned flirtatiously.

He pulled her up beside him. "We can't have that can we?" he enticed her.

He rolled over to his seat, pulling on his shirt, as he started the engine. Lauren put on her seat belt.

"That was my first time doing it in a car," she admitted shyly.

Derek looked at her. To be honest it had been his first time in a car too, but she would never know that.

It had been another night of casual sex to temporarily relieve himself of his infatuation for his step-sister. After dropping off Lauren, he pulled into his driveway and walked up to his house. He opened the door surprised to see George and Nora cuddled up together on the couch watching a movie.

"You barely missed your curfew," George called out.

"What are you guys doing up so late?" Derek asked looking at the t.v. screen, not recognizing the movie. They always made sure Derek came home in time, but they would always be in their bedroom.

"We just finished playing the longest game of monopoly ever," Nora explained.

"Edwin won." George added.

"I'll congratulate him in the morning." Derek yawned feeling the weight of the day pile on him.

"Make us another bowl of popcorn, would you?" George asked handing him a bowl with popcorn kernels.

Derek hesitated, but saw the look in his dad's eye and saw it best not to refuse. He walked into the kitchen, seeing the popcorn box already out. He grabbed a package, opened it, and popped it into the microwave.

He heard the front door open. He inquisitively looked into the living room to see Casey. _She had just gotten back from Sam's? _Derek's teeth gritted.

She looked like hell, her hair messy, her shirt wrinkled, her face drained. She gave a small smile to her mother and step-father.

"Casey, I'm surprised to see you're late. It's 12:02." Nora noted.

"I'm sorry, mom." Casey said sincerely.

"Don't let it happen again." Nora warned.

Casey nodded, making no promises.

"Enjoy your movie," Casey said taking a step to the kitchen to quench her dry mouth.

She then noticed Derek had been there. His eyes fiercely glared into hers. They unsettled her.

She didn't understand why he would look at her like that, and yet she did. She changed her mind and began to climb the stairs.

"Goodnight, Casey." he said unkindly. She paused feeling the words penetrate her, like when her favorite movie ended that she wanted to watch forever. Her eyebrows arched questioning why that phrase caused such a feeling. She then continued up the stairs.

After Derek handed his dad the popcorn, he went upstairs. The bathroom was occupied and he heard Casey start the shower. She couldn't wait until the morning to wash herself. He tried to find that humorous, but it wasn't. _May she drown trying. _He shut his door and kicked his bed.

**P.S. I know I've been making Derek a little OOC, but its my story so…**


	11. Closure

Derek woke up feeling hollow. He had fallen right to sleep. His slumber was so deep, he hadn't dreamed. Which satisfied him because dreams turned into nightmares everyday.

He took a shower and went down to the kitchen where Nora was cleaning. It was a little after noon. Derek greeted her, made himself a sandwich, and grabbed a bag of chips. He headed for the t.v.

Casey sat on the couch with the remote in her hand watching CNN. She looked no different. Still as lovely as ever. He didn't like it, but Casey had been right. They couldn't have continued seeing each other. Derek couldn't blame her for anything. She could do what she liked. Sam wasn't a bad guy for her. He just wasn't him.

But Derek could pretend that everything wasn't fucked up. He had always been fluent in lying, but if there was anything he learned in the past months it was how put on a big show. He climbed over onto his chair.

"We are not watching this, grandma." he ordered.

"Yes we are. There are things that don't revolve around you going on in this world." she asserted.

Edwin came in the living room and sat by his step-sister.

"This crap will depress you. Why don't you read a book?" Derek insisted grabbing the remote from Casey.

"It's better than watching crap that will destroy your brain cells." she argued not letting him have the remote.

"MTV is very educational," Derek asserted.

"Why don't I choose what we watch?" Edwin asked settling the fight.

Derek snatched the remote from Casey and tossed it at Edwin, who caught it.

"Don't get too comfortable Derek. When your done eating your breakfast, you need to finish your chores." Casey hassled.

"Sorry, mother. I got to go to hockey practice after this." pointing to his food.

She stood and raised her voice. "Don't call me your grandma, your aunt, your mother, or any other relation!"

"Someone needs to keep their hormones in check today." he said with insolence popping a chip in his mouth.

Casey dramatically went upstairs as Marti came in.

"I own three hotels, Smerek" Marti eagerly showed him three small red monopoly pieces.

He began messing with his little sister when the door bell rang. Derek answered it to see Emily.

She giggled, "Hey Derek."

He played along, "Good morning Emily. Come in."

"Well technically it's the afternoon. If you want to get technical."

Derek smiled; his reply was interrupted as Casey came down. She had heard the front door. _It's sad to see Emily trip over herself over Derek, _Casey thought as she greeted her friend.

"So you have to tell me all about your night with Sam," Emily said excitedly.

Derek looking at the floor went unnoticed as Casey pulled her friend up the stairs saying, "I really don't know where to start. How about in my room?"

Derek told Marti he had to take out the trash. It wouldn't hurt to do one of his chores since he had time to spare. He went upstairs to gather the trash from his room and the bathroom.

He paused outside Casey's closed door hearing Emily say, "You know, now that you've had sex, you're the same and yet your not."

Derek didn't want to listen anymore. He cursed as he carried the trash bags down and went to the kitchen to grab the trash in there.

Casey sighed. "I'm still a virgin."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked not understanding.

"Something happened and we didn't. It's hard to explain. You wouldn't believe me if I did. Sam doesn't. He isn't talking to me." Casey had a hard time searching for words.

"So you had doubts and he's a little hurt. He just cares for you Casey. I'm sure after practice he'll come and find you."

Casey nodded her head. Emily asked if she wanted to go to the mall or something, but Casey told her how she wanted to start early on the English essay. Emily told her she'd call her later.

After carrying all the trash out, Derek was stopped by his father who had received a call from the school. A faculty member had seen Derek punch Sam. First thing Monday morning he would be in the principal's office.

As Emily left the house, George fell silent until she was gone.

"Why did you hit him?" George asked.

**A/N: Slow chapter, I know. Hopefully it didn't kill you. Believe me I'll make it up to you with the next chapter. **


	12. Push

"Why not hit him?" Derek asked matter-of-factly.

"Derek last I checked you two were friends," George replied trying to get his son to give him the truth.

"With friends like him, who needs enemies." Derek spat out.

"What happened?" George continued.

"I don't know. I just hear him talk and I think to myself 'God he's dumb'. I got to go. I'll be late." Derek said leaving his dumbfounded father.

But George found this more important than his son's athletics and continued the interrogation that led to nowhere.

When Emily left, Casey picked up the necklace Sam had given her. She fastened it around her neck. Emily had been right Sam would apologize maybe tonight.

She got up to close her door, but instead walked into the hallway. Derek's door was open and she looked in. His hockey bags were gone and she assumed he had already left. Casey walked into his unkempt room.

She sighed. _So this is how its going to be. _She would be with Sam while he would have his multiple partners. She wondered if she would ever again feel as complete and incredible as she

had being in Derek's arms. She knew the answer was no.

Casey sat on his bed. She ran her hand across his pillow. She could do this though, do what was right. She wouldn't do anything less than that. His cocky and charming ways would be the best part of her day.

She laid her head on his pillow, looking at his ceiling. She was fine with that. She really convinced herself. Yeah, the sooner she moved on, the sooner the impure thoughts would dissolve. Then maybe she could rely on herself again. Because for the time being she didn't trust her thoughts or her five senses. They had done nothing but let her down. They had let her fall in love with Derek, and let her hear things that weren't there.

She needed to think of Sam. She should think of last night, being with Sam. She smiled. Like she really would have called out Derek's name while Sam was touching her? Please. Sam gave himself to much credit. Derek contacting her skin was ethereal. Something Sam could never compare. She then reproached herself shamefully for being honest.

Derek finally escaped his father and hurried to his room to grab his stuff and leave before George said anything else. He stopped dead in his tracks seeing Casey in his bed.

Derek solemnly looked in on her from the doorway. She laid on the bed staring straight up, biting her bottom lip. Did Casey know she had killed him? That a part of him had died because of her. That he would never be put back together. For the rest of his life, the dead in him would rot.

"What the hell are you doing?" Derek demanded from the door.

Casey startled and jumped to her feet.

His tone which had been smug as ever was now harsh. "You're such a hypocrite. Who's 'invading privacy' now?"

He hid the impulse to run his fingers along her pink, sweet lips. He wouldn't let her turn him inside out again.

She moved a paper on his dresser. "I was just looking for my--"

He cut her sentence off spitefully "Save it. You looked. Whatever it is, it's not here."

Casey said sarcastically. "I guess I lost it all on my own this time."

Derek crossed his arms and let out a humorless laugh. "For someone who claims I'm self-centered, you seem to be the one who thinks of me first when something doesn't go your way."

"And I've never been wrong before," she snapped.

"There you go again. That's a really profound gift you have there Casey. You think your so damn special, but let's not kid ourselves." he taunted.

"If anyone struts around with the word 'special' labeled on them its you." she argued.

"Oh I feel a list of criticisms coming. Let's hear it." he gestured with his hand.

"I'll wait till you don't want to hear it." she said haughtily.

Casey walked to the door, but Derek kicked the door from behind with his foot and it closed.

"What's that?" he asked indifferently pointing to her necklace. The necklace he despised.

"Sam's anniversary present," she simply answered laying her finger tips on the bright, silver star.

"What a trade. You give him your all. And he gives you a scrap of metal. Was he worth it?" he said cruelly.

Her eyes narrowed trying to make sense of what he said. She hadn't liked his tone and pushed his chest so she could get to the door, saying in Sam's defense, "It's not just metal. It's beautiful and it was very sweet of him."

Derek didn't like that response. He grabbed the chain and ripped it from her neck. Casey felt like an incision was slit on the back of her neck.

"You jerk!" she shouted, trying to pry it from his hand.

He dropped it, not wanting to feel her touch. She picked it up and stared in alarm seeing it broke. If Sam saw it like that, he would think Casey didn't care about them. If she told him Derek did it, Sam would be more suspicious than he already was.

"Do you feel better now? What am I suppose to tell Sam?" she asked in dismay.

Derek answered nonchalantly, as he opened his closet and picked up his hockey bags "Tell him 'Happy Anniversary' from me."

Casey lashed out. "Do me a favor, Derek, and drop dead. My life would be so much easier if you didn't exist."

Still holding on to his bags he took a few steps to her. Casey could feel his breath on her face.

He wanted her to break, just a crack, after all she did to him. His voice low and vindictive, "Your life would be difficult with or without me because you cause your own complications. You do it to yourself. No one has to help you with that."

He fed off of her reaction for a minute then opened the door.

"I think you over stayed your welcome," he said self-satisfied and left.

With poise and dignity, Casey went back to her room. She speculated what had possessed her to

step foot in his.

As Derek drove to practice, a thought entered that maybe he was sorry for what he had said to her. Until what he had seen of Casey and Sam last night played again and all remorse vanquished.


	13. True

**A/N: I'm not really happy with how long this is but eh. At least every chapter has been vital IMO. **

In the locker rooms, as Derek began putting on his ice skates he recognized Sam's "Derek."

Derek gave him a look of malice hoping Sam would leave him be.

Sam slowly explained "I know for some reason I'm not your favorite person right now but dude things got a little hot between Casey and me--"

Derek stood and raised his voice. His finger pointed dangerously at Sam, "Listen, pussy, I don't give a damn what you and Casey do. Just keep it behind closed doors. And it wouldn't hurt to close the fucking blinds and curtains."

He glared at Sam with pure hatred then sat back down. When the other guys in the room began to continue what they had been doing, Sam said quietly "She said your name."

That caught Derek's attention. "What?"

"Things were getting hot back at my place--but then she said your name dude." Sam said with a little more confidence.

Derek didn't know what to say.

Sam included "She made some lame story saying she thought she heard your voice, but…that's crazy. You look like the winds been knocked out of you."

"Well can you blame me. That shit is gross." he said completely appalled.

"I know, man." Sam said.

Derek shook his head. "No way. Maybe she did hear me."

The two guys looked at each then both agreed that wasn't it, "No."

"You never saw any signs before?" Sam asked.

"Hell no. Or maybe I just didn't think it was like that. I don't know. Little Miss Perfect liking a guy like me?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Add the fact that your step-siblings. It's pretty weird…I'll see you out on the ice."

"Yeah," Derek cleared his throat. He looked down at the blade on his skate and wondered what was stopping him from slicing Sam's dick off.

Casey decided to take a snack break before finishing up her essay. Her mother caught her in the kitchen.

"We're all going to Wal-mart a little later." Nora informed her.

"I can't. I'm still working on the paper." Casey replied.

"Well if there's anything you need add it to the grocery list." Nora pointed to the list on the counter and went downstairs.

The phone rang. Lizzie and Edwin were in the living room. She didn't know where George and Marti had gone.

So she answered it, "Venturi-MacDonald residence."

"Who is this?" a girl asked.

Casey held the phone a bit from her ears. The girl's voice was so preppy.

"Casey MacDonald. Who am I speaking with?" she asked annoyed. The snob was wasting her time.

"It's Lauren. Aren't you like Derek's sister?" she asked.

"No. No I'm not." Casey said severely.

"Well you're related to him somehow. Anyway is Derek around?" Lauren asked getting annoyed herself.

"No." Casey answered wanting to hang up.

"Tell him I called and I want to see him again." she said.

Casey's friendly voice lied. "Oh sure I'll add you to the list. Three girls called for him before you."

Lauren didn't say anything for a minute. "I know he's a player, but I can't help it. I knew I shouldn't have slept with him, but he's so--"

"Excuse me you--you slept with Derek?" Casey asked trying to keep her head straight.

"Yeah last night."

Casey felt her head cave in. She dropped the phone and slumped in a chair. She didn't think about hanging it up. She was trying to make sense of what she had heard. Edwin called out loudly and knew she had to get upstairs before anyone saw the heartbreak on her face.

As Lizzie walked to the kitchen she past her sister scrambling up the stairs with her hand covering her mouth. She almost asked her sister what was wrong when she saw the phone off the hook. She picked it up. A teenage girl was on the other end.


	14. Everything Changes

**AN: Sorry I have good news why I haven't had time to finish this. I met this guy ;) And he is all mine. all smiles. **

Derek sped home from practice. He couldn't wait to get home to her. An enormous wave of relief brought serenity that his bruised nerves had not experienced for so long. He couldn't help but sincerely smile. He had not felt such happiness since--since the night Casey said those dazzling five words "I love you too Derek".

Casey didn't have sex with Sam.

She hadn't because she had somehow heard Derek. Maybe that indicated something. And maybe Casey realized it too. That's why she had been in his room. She wanted to tell him that they weren't suppose to be apart. It all made sense now to him.

But he hadn't let her. He had been mean. He could've kicked himself for the things he had said to her. All this time he had blamed Casey and Sam when the truth was he was his worst enemy.

First though he had to take a shower. Then he would talk to Casey. He felt sorry for anyone or anything that tried to stop him.

He noticed as he quickly walked upstairs to the shower, her door was closed.

After the shower he carried his now dirty hockey bags to the laundry to dump there and race to Casey. Her ran into the family minus Casey putting on their jackets by the front door.

"Derek we're leaving for Wal-Mart." Nora let him know.

Lizzie almost forgot "Oh and this girl called for you."

"What did she want? Besides me." Derek asked overconfidently.

"I don't know she was talking with Casey. Whatever the girl said it really upset her, but Casey wouldn't tell me anything about it." Lizzie explained.

He had completely forgotten about Lauren. Panic took hold of him. He never had much use for praying, but in that moment he did. He prayed Lauren hadn't been the girl on the phone.

"What is it?" George asked noticing his son's disarray.

Nora looked concerned. She called out. "Casey!"

They waited for her to come down. Nora called her again.

"Yeah mom," Casey's weak voice spoke with as much cheer as she could from the top of the stairs. Her eyes were puffy, her face was pale. Derek waited for her to look at him, but she didn't.

"She looks sick." Marti declared.

"I'm fine just a splitting headache," she lied trying to sound strong.

"Did you take some medicine?" Nora asked.

"Yeah I just want to sleep it off." she quietly answered.

"Sweet dreams," Edwin said genuinely to her.

Casey hurried back to her room.

"It must be a migraine from the girl drama." Lizzie observed.

"Let's go," George said. "And Derek don't disturb Casey today, all right?"

"I think I can manage that." he tried to say with his usual charisma, but failed.

When the family left the house, Derek stood still listening for the car to drive off. When it did, he ran to Casey's door and knocked urgently.

"Casey, is there anything I can do about your headache?" he asked--so unlike himself--thoughtfully.

She didn't answer and he almost repeated his question when he heard an austere, "No."

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"No, but before you go…You had a phone call…from Lauren Adler." she said trying not to sound like she was crying.

"She didn't--she didn't say anything to you, did she?" Derek asked in distraught fearing what Casey knew.

"Would there be a problem if she did?" she asked now standing close to the door, tears streaming down her face.

He tried to open her locked door.

"Case could you let me in, please?" he asked, not liking that she was on the other side.

"I said no Derek. Can you just go please…Don't keep your cheap whore waiting." Casey said sorely and weeped.

_She knew_. His throat clogged. His forehead pressed on the door.

"Let me explain--" he pleaded.

She sobbed. "Spare me, okay? Go hit the whole cheerleading squad, if you haven't yet. I don't care. "

"Don't tell me you don't." he sorrowfully implored.

"This doesn't hurt," she said weakly. "Why would it? I never cared before."

"You know why. Quit pretending." He banged on the door. "We have to talk!" his voice congested.

"What could you say? It wouldn't change anything Derek." she said shakily against her will.

"Don't let it be like this…I'm not going anywhere till you open this door!" he promised.

Casey sat on her bed. She cried in her hands, rocking back and forth.

The regrets suffocated him as he pounded on the door desperately lamenting "Let me in Case. I cant breathe. I can't breathe, okay." Derek's forehead slid down to the floor.

**P.S. Cliché I know, but I'm okay with it. You can flame if you want. **


	15. Heart Shaped Box

Hearing him like that she couldn't stop herself from fumbling with the door handle to unlock the door. Like there was no tomorrow, Derek rose to his feet and flung the door open.

He took a step in, gasping in air to fill his lungs. Casey's back was turned to him. She was sniffling. Her hands shuddered trying to restrict herself.

He wiped his wet eyes with his palm before speaking, "I screwed up. I'm sorry. I'd change it all if I could…Case?"

Suddenly Derek felt relentless punches she threw in his chest. She cried furiously, "Prick, why couldn't you just keep your jeans zipped?"

Needless to say her words pained him more than her fists. Yet he didn't blame her. He grabbed her wrists to stop her. She felt so stiff. He finally was able to see her face. Her beautiful blue eyes now resembled shattered glass. Her expression: the epitome of sorrow. She tore from his grip and held her pillow to her chest, sitting back on the bed.

His throat filled again. He sat on the other edge of the bed. Everything was all wrong here.

"I didn't know. If I had known what really happened--what Sam told me, I never would have." he affirmed.

"Oh God, what did Sam tell you?" she looked up in dread suppressing a cry.

"I basically knew it all." He cleared his throat. "See I went over there to make you see that you were making a mistake. Then I saw you two from the window. I thought you were going to fuck him. That sent me to a dark place that I never want to visit again. And there was Lauren--I never would have touched her if I hadn't seen you and Sam."

"You're lying. Sam told you all this. You weren't there Derek. You're just saying that to justify what you did." she shouted.

He grew angry that she thought him dishonest. "You can say how I'm suppose to or not suppose to feel Casey. But you don't have the power to say I didn't see what I damn well did. And you know I did. You would have fucked him if you hadn't heard me."

She quivered. "It wasn't you. Whatever I heard it was--it wasn't human."

"I didn't feel human…" he said bleakly.

Casey looked at him with doubt.

His voice became bitter remembering the images that had torn his soul "I can tell you every specific. Where you placed your hands, every spot his tongue touched your skin. Don't you tell me I didn't. You wore a black bra; his boxers were blue; your panties were--."

Casey screeched as if flames contacted her "Okay! Okay."

Remorsefully she spoke quietly to the ground unable to look at him, "I'm so sorry Derek that you saw that."

"Me too. Because then I wouldn't have…I've never regretted anything I've done in my life, not like this. You know you are the only--"

"Ssshh!" she commanded shifting her position where she sat.

"Don't fight this Casey. You didn't have sex with him because somehow, some way, you heard me. That means something! Don't you understand?"

"It means nothing! If it did then you wouldn't have screwed that bitch." She shoved the pillow into her face. His lips turned in agony seeing her like this, knowing it was his fault.

Casey removed the pillow and sucked in a deep breath. She sat up straight. She said judiciously, "But that's ok Derek. I shouldn't get upset with you when I almost did the same thing."

His hand touched her wrist, not wanting her to close up. "No you should be mad at me, be mad at me."

She moved her arms to wave off Derek's touch.

"I want to make it right, more than you know." he said firmly, but she ignored him.

In an effort to desist her emotions, her words came out shrill and fast. "You don't need my forgiveness. You're entitled to do what you want."

"I want you." he said simply.

She ignored him, picked herself up, wiped her tears, and said logically, "The first one was a little hard to take, but soon there will be so many. It just won't matter anymore."

Her indifference saturated an urge of violence in him. He stood and grabbed her forearms. "I was a virgin until I realized I was falling for you! I thought my sexual desires were overreacting and if I just acted on them with another girl I wouldn't feel anything for you, but it didn't work. I've spent months trying. But no matter who I'm with, you seem to be there in the shadows condemning me about any and every little thing. Because you know me using another girl is a sin, when I love you Casey."

"You can't say that. You can't mean that!" Horrified she pulled away from his grasp

He punched the air in frustration "After all this you still--Can't you see we've tried to do it your way. You wouldn't be feeling like this right now if you had just stayed with me."

"Because I do it to myself, right?" she attacked.

He sighed calming down. "I shouldn't have said that. I was wrong. Again. We could have made it easier on ourselves. We do it to each other…I know I screwed up, but I wouldn't have if you hadn't did what you did. We can fix this or we can end up killing ourselves."

She said quietly weary "No. I can't. I won't change, Derek."

He raised his voice trying to break through. "That's too damn bad because we will never be over. Not when you still love me. I know you do."

She shook her head replying in dismay "But I won't lie to them." referring to their household.

Disheartened, he said "Well you know best don't you Case…What I'd do to get through to you."

He shook his head, his mouth twisted in anger then turned to leave.


	16. Echo

"Derek wait…." she called out barely above a whisper.

Somehow the sound and their tone reached his hearing and he looked back at her. Tears fell from her eyes as she sat back on the bed.

Her melancholic voice spoke, "I don't see the point of you leaving the room because you'll only enter my thoughts and never leave me alone." He sat beside her.

She went on hopelessly "I've told you in my mind that I can't have you, so just go, but you won't. You never did listen to me."

He pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen out of her braid. "You never let me rest either." he softly said openly.

With more strength, "And that scares me because I--"

"Am a control freak." he said for her.

She half-smiled. "My world has to make sense and me loving you defies everything I thought I knew."

"I know it really freaked me out too. I mean you never get your nails done." he joked complacently.

Casey's eyes pierced in irritation concealing the painful reminder of Lauren and God knows who else.

"Can I continue please?" she said aggravated.

"And because I don't want anything to change with our family. It would be weird for them to know. I can just imagine telling mom. She would be appalled… But more than anything else I'm scared to lose you Derek."

"Finally the ice melts," he said relieved. "You know I hate when you do that, when you won't allow yourself to feel."

"I hate that you're-- you and that I actually love you for it. I hate that you awoke feelings in me, more than I've felt anything before."

"So what's stopping us?" he asked.

"Reality. I'm your step-"

"No that doesn't matter. You're the one stopping us with your piety." Derek pointed out.

"I'm sorry." was all Casey could say.

He glared at her dresser. "Don't tell me that. If you were sorry you wouldn't be doing this to us."

She said gently "If I had it my way, I wouldn't be. But we don't always get what we want…It's a real shame though because I miss you terribly."

**Hint for ya: This is the last chapter. For those of you interested in the angst. Your ride stops here. If I was a good enough writer you will want to finish even if that means enduring the fluff that is the remainder of this tale.**

He laid his head on her knees. Her hand reached his shoulder blade and massaged him affectionately.

Derek didn't want her to stop, but he had to look at her. When he did, she slowly leaned her face to his, giving her mind time to tell her she shouldn't do what she was about to do. Or give Derek time to stop her, but he wouldn't. He'd take her anyway he could, even if she hadn't promised him a thing.

She lovingly kissed him showing him how much she wanted him. He was completely amazed and kissed her back just as deeply.

He broke the kiss when a thought entered his mind.

"What?" Casey asked.

"I can't keep thinking there's hope only to have it ripped from me. I can't keep fooling myself with these fantasies." he said searching her eyes for a sign.

Casey's forehead twisted in contemplation. There is nothing we feel more than our bodies. In our attempt to meet its needs we become hopelessly, mercilessly vulnerable. It forces us to know what would have never allowed ourselves to consider.

"It kills me to do this, but you" she hesitated finding it so difficult to say the one syllable "win."

"I win?" he asked amused.

"I surrender," Casey smiled.

His hands found her waist. "As much as it pains me to admit, I have to say we won."

"You're willing to share?" She smiled brightly, which warmed Derek. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Don't get used to it." He kissed her nose.

"Yeah so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to do something cruel to Lauren." she admitted her resentment.

"As long as I can burn your necklace with Sam wearing it." Derek wasn't kidding.

"Ouch," Casey said kissing his lips.

"I'll do that before I test for STDs." he said smoothly.

"Ew. You're gonna schedule that appointment a.s.a.p.," she teased pulling away from him, but he wouldn't let her go.

Serious again he said, "I'm sorry."

"We both messed up. No more apologies," she whispered.

"Is this for real this time? I'm not going to wake up from this?" he asked diligently.

Casey cupped his face in her hands. "I love you. I am nothing more than to be right here with you."

"Where's your rationality?" he asked knowing it was somewhere lurking..

"What? Was my choice to be with you not rational?" Her countenance altered in thought. "Can we not tell the family? Just for now anyways?"

"I'm all for whatever you want." Derek kissed her. "And your plan for school? Because you're so much better at decision making than me." he mocked.

"So you noticed? Well let's not change anything there either. Except some things like me and Sam--"

He clicked his tongue. "Yeah it looks like you guys are broken up. And you don't have to worry about my old ways."

Casey laughed. "Derek Venturi not philandering? That's crazy."

"Crazy for you."

"Look at us taking on the world."

"There is still one battle you can't win. Against me." The egomaniac boasted taking claim of her lips fervently.

"You're going down." She responded just as hotly.

Their mouths battled struggling for victory against the other. She moaned with exertion. He forcibly led her body to the bed. Casey was slick and slipped around him as he leaned on the bed, so she was above him.

Through the heated kiss, Derek smiled at her move, determined to overcome that one. She straddled him roughly. He groaned from under her, loving the way she felt on his dick though thick clothing separated them.

He took hold of her wrist and pulled it behind her, restraining it between his hand and her back. It was Casey's turn to grin.

"I'm still winning," she gloated taking a breath before continuing the fight.

He clutched her other hand, when Nora's voice was heard downstairs. They both froze then smiled. He loosened his seize of her hands. Her face a centimeter from his. Fatigue hit her and she didn't want to move.

"Come on. Get off me." Derek grunted.

"Lucky you. I was kicking your butt." Casey said lustily before standing.

"Bullshit. I was gaining."

"You're a sore loser."

They didn't hear Lizzie had came up. "What are you doing in here?" she curiously asked eyeing Derek who was still sitting on Casey's bed.

"Being a pain what else," Casey answered.

"Glad you feel better Casey." she observed then talking to both of them, "We picked up some pizza, but first come help us put up the groceries." Lizzie said entering the hallway.

"Ten o' clock. You. Me. My room. You'll see who the winner would have been." Derek challenged.

"Why your room?" she argued.

"Because you love my bed so much, that's why I found you there this morning." he said boldly.

"Get downstairs," she ordered pushing him to the door and followed him to the kitchen.

Derek began 'helping' by looking to see if they bought anything good for him to eat later. Casey scoffed withholding that she wouldn't have him any other way as she helped Lizzie. George and Edwin carried in the bags from the van. Marti guarded the pizza from hungry invisible people.

"I see the medicine worked. You look better." Nora said lovingly.

"Yeah it did," Casey looked her mother straight in the eye.

Her mother went down to her and George's room in the basement. As Casey put some frozen waffles in the freezer, she looked at Lizzie stocking up the pantry. She waited for guilt or a need for redemption to consume her, but felt neither.

"No one shall eat till all the food is put away I say!" Marti told Derek who was trying to sneak a slice.

"I'm not invisible. So it's okay, Smarti. Not even for your favorite brother?" he charmed.

"Don't let him Marti. He's not even doing anything productive like the rest of us." she pressed annoyed that everyone was working, but him.

"Just keep doing what your doing and mind your own business." he disregarded her.

"Don't start. Or I will get a headache." George said from the living room.

"You could eat a lot sooner, if you gave us a hand." she badgered.

"But you're doing so well without me." he explained convincingly.

"There that was the last of it." Lizzie threw away the empty sacks ending the argument.

"Great job everyone," Derek called out as he opened the pizza box.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Casey stared at her alarm clock. Her now calm mind had nearly drove her insane the past three days, but it finally found peace. 10:00 flashed. Knowing Derek he'd be a little late, but not for her. Quietly she heard the door knob turn.

She watched as the door opened. She saw his dark figure come in and the door shut like it had never been opened. Her eyes searched for him in the darkness. Her blanket tugged from her and she felt Derek crawl beside her.

He covered the blanket over them. He snuggled beside her and Casey smiled, laying her head and hand across his chest. She almost overanalyzed the contrast of his black shirt and her white tank top.

"You change your mind since the last time I saw you?" he asked disguising his apprehension.

They had supper together, but she knew what he meant.

She looked up at him and gave him a smooch on the lips.

"You don't feel like a criminal?" he prodded. She shook her head 'no'.

For so long forsaken had been a good term to describe himself, so it was absolutely foreign to feel blessed.

He yawned. "Prepare to be defeated tomorrow," he promised.

"Too weak tonight?" she provoked.

"That reminds me I know how Sam got that cut. I'll tell you about it in the morning."

"That was you. When?" she asked promptly.

"Good night," he answered giving her hair a kiss.

For a moment the room was silent. "I love you," Casey said closing her eyes.

"I know," he said arrogantly. She pinched his arm.

"I love you too." he laughed.

"Just because I know doesn't mean I don't want to hear it." she spoke haughtily.

"I won't get tired of saying it." he said honestly.

"Pleasant dreams."

"You know it." he winked.

She kissed him then laid her head back comfortably.

"Hey Case,"

"Yeah," she asked her eyes closed.

"You're going to hell," he joked.

"Not without you Venturi,"

"Hell is so underrated." he sighed.

He looked down at her. His finger caressing her arm. It was all he wanted. He remembered just last night telling himself that Casey wasn't all he had made her out to be. He tried to convince himself that lie because he had been destroyed by her. And yet here they were, as if this was nothing new. Like this was how it had always been and forever would be.

He closed his eyes finally finding comfort now that Casey was 'his', now that the blade that could take his life was in his arms. In the same way, Casey was allowed to peacefully sleep now that the demon in her head laid beside her . They were each other's weapon and each other's pleasure.

**P.S. I do not own the chapter titles**

**1. Uninvited- Alanis Morrisette**

**2. Where Are You Going- Dave Matthews Band**

**3. Don't You Forget About Me- from the Breakfast Club**

**4. The Space Between- DMB again**

**5. Three Libras- A Perfect Circle**

**6. Helena- My Chemical Romance**

**7. Broken- Seether and Amy Lee (this song lyrics doesn't go with the ch.)**

**8. MachineHead- Bush**

**9. My Oxygen's Gone- Die Trying**

**10. Losing My Religion- REM**

**11. Closure- Chevelle**

**12. Push- Matchbox 20**

**13. True- Ryan Cabrarra (didn't go with the ch. But the truth came out)**

**14. Everything Changes- Staind**

**15. Heart Shaped Box-Nirvana**

**16. Echo- Trapt**

**Thanks to all reviewers. Yall were the reason I woke up and brushed my teeth in the morning. Now there's another reason ;) **

**I hope you enjoyed the ride. I'm actually sad that this story has come to an end. I kinda wanted to hold back on updating in fact. **

**Love you all and Peace out! FYI: Its never too late to review.**

**I'm thinking about doing an alternate ending where it doesn't end happily, just for those who understand that real life sucks. You should check it out or not whatever…**


	17. Authors Note on Sequel

**Author's Note: Okay so I have been asked by two authors if they could write a sequel to "Breakdown". :) This is flattering. I never thought that would happen, but yeah if you decide to write one as well be sure to ask me first. its just polite and refer back to my fic its also polite. **

**If you do submit a sequel to my fic just let me know I'll add it to the list below. Hopefully I can add mine soon.**

**I take no credit for the following sequel seeing as I did not help write it in any shape or form. I have not read it and will be looking forward to it.**

**"Fall Away" by DASEYisLOVE at http/ **


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